Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im having a threesome with these popsicles
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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