he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
