I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
