What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
