Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
