Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
