In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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