the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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