just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
bring money and cleavage
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
