I wish I could teleport
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
