its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
