Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
