My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
