Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
