what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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