She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
