living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
