There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
