Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
