the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wish my penis had a tongue
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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