chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
