There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
