Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
