I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
