I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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