Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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