I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
