this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
