Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
