It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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