so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
