What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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