forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
