Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I am one with the molecules
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
