I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Welp...herpes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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