I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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