Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sext me about skeletons
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
