FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
