I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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