i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
