Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
