Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
