Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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