That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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