i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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