WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
