Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
