Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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