i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
