Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
