you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
