I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
